Kill some time

So there is one of those Master Card parody commercials that is really funny. It is my all time favorite home made commercial video thing.

I lost it for a long time, but now, now I found it!

Enjoy, it may not be suitable for all audiences, viewer discretion is advised.


Mop, mop, mop, all day long....

So I test drove my mop tonight. No, not a kitchen mop, but a barbeque mop. I have been using basting brushes on the grill for years, but I was getting tired of having the little bristles fall off onto my food while I was grilling. So I went to several local outdoor and kitchen stores. Nothing. So last Sunday I went on a coast trip with my new/old friend, and while I was hanging out on the coast, we swung into the outlet mall. I had been whining about getting a mop, so being that my friend suggested that I check one of the kitchen stores at the outlet mall. Well sure enough, I got my mop and was all happy. I was looking for an excuse to use said mop, but the weather has sucked spokes lately, and I haven't been able to grill out.

Well tonight was the night. I made cayenne chicken with a mango salsa, it was awesome. I also made a tequila lime sauce that was really good, and I was going to mop it onto the chicken. Sure enough, the coverage of the mop was fantastic. The only problem, was that when a bunch of the sauce ran into the coals, it made steam. Steam filled with cayenne pepper, better known as mace. It burned, but I got through it, and as a whole have decided that never again will I use a basting brush on the grill. So if any of my four readers are sitting on the fence about their grilling basting techniques, I suggest using a mop.

Also, when I was looking for random pictures for my blog posting, I found this and this.


Pamelia, Lists, Spokes, Sith and Alternators.

So here is a little update posting. Since I got pulled over, pranked, a Nephew, and started hanging out with a super cool, super hot chick. A lot has happened. I went on a really awesome hiking trip with Jason and a bunch of other awesome people from Cascade Hills. We hiked the trail to Pamelia Lake, had lunch at the lake, then continued to hike around the lake until it was time to head home. It is the first time I had been there since before I joined the Army, so that puts it at about 8 years. Make sure to ask Jason, Matt or myself about the time we took the RC challenge to the lake. Never again will we do that. The hike to the lake with my friends, some new and some old, was truly awesome. I put on a pack that weighed in at about 40 pounds. I thought it was a bad idea, but now I am glad I did it. The weather actually was really good, and on the way back, we stopped at a clip joint and bought milkshakes for 4 bucks.

Steve had mentioned in his blog about how he was going to start making lists, I will beat his slow ass to the punch here, and say that I have never been a big fan of making to do lists, until recently. I mad a list of all of the crap I wanted to get done last week. With the help of my new old friend of course. Anyway, I got everything on that list done, or pending due to the other people's crap that I am waiting on. Needless to say, I have started using lists, and I have found them to be most helpful. I do feel that I will continue this new found crutch for my laziness and forgetful nature.

Spokes. I have a friend (who shall remain nameless) who comes up with some nifty sayings, and lots of wholesome tasteless pictures, videos, and music. So this person (we will call him Linus) was telling me a story about a conversation, and Linus brought up spokes. When I asked Linus what the hell spokes were, he told me that Spokes, were the little wrinkles around one's butt hole. Therefore, to tell a person that they have no spokes, means that they have been abusing the exit only system of the butt hole.

Sith. So last night I saw it. I wasn't expecting much, and wasn't disappointed. Except for when I ordered a large pop, and ended up with like 64 ounces of fountain coke. The film (Star Wars; Revenge of Sith) or whatever the hell it is called. There were a few good light saber fights, and a lot of decent cartoony special effects, but as a whole, it was a lot like the last two, but maybe marginally better.

This afternoon I had just finished my Quiznos sandwich, and was getting ready to get back to work on my to-do list, when my phone rings, and it is my good friend Tim, asking me for a favor. Of course I say, what can I do to help. Apparently, Tim's little car broke down in N. Willsonville, and he had a plane to catch. I agreed to babysit his car until the tow could arrive. I got to his car, and managed to start it right up. I moved it to a parking lot off of the freeway and walked back to my truck. My mom was the only one available to be a co-pilot for this trip, so I drove back to Salem and picked her up. We drove back to Willsonville, picked up Tim's car and began to head for home. I was positive that there was some form of problem with the charging system. So my policy was, no signaling, no headlights, no wipers, or any other thing that used juice. (I have juice in my fridge.) We got about 11 miles south of Willsonville when the bad rain hit us. Even if I had been using a normal car's wipers, they wouldn't have been able to keep up. as I drove home, the battery went more flat, and the wipers got slower and slower. We got out of the rain, and made it to my house. I did a 6 minute alternator removal, and headed back into town with mom. After a frustrating conversation in spanglish with the girl at Auto Zone, I determined that I will never go there again. I headed to NAPA, and ended up getting the thing tested. Turns out it is fine, and I managed to not spend 90 bucks of Tim's money. I put a charger on the battery, and am hoping that it is just a freak occurrence. We will see.

So there you have it folks, a lame little posting just for the sake of posting. Who thinks that I should put finishing Foxholes on my to-do list?

Yeah, me too.

Oh yeah, Thursday night, May 26th, guys night out movies at my house. This week's movie will be LoneStar. As per usual, five bucks will get you in, and if the weather is good, I will be grilling. Make sure you let me know if you will be here.


It's not what you know, but WHO you know.

So last night Was Lisel's birthday party. After the party, I was heading home, and remembered that I needed to get milk. So I drove right past the house, and headed back to Salem to go to Safeway South. As I am heading towards Turner past my house, down the hill I go, zipping along at about 65-70 Mph. Right as I get towards the bottom of the hill, I notice the things that were about to make my happy little evening bad. Three cop cars. I slow down, and head to the stop sign and head into Turner. I knew I was boned when I saw the back-up lights on the Turner P.D. car. All three cars pull out behind me, and they put the light on me as soon as I got into the city limits. I pull over right away and turn off my truck. Turner's newest officer "Smilin Joe" approaches me and asks me where I was going in such a hurry. I respond..."To get some milk." He tells me I was doing 70, and I played dumb. I pass over my credentials, and he goes to the back of my car and runs my tags. I hear some laughing from behind my truck, and another officer approaches my door. I had a brief vision of all of the cops episodes where they discuss arresting an individual before one of the cops just open the door and ask me to step out. As the office gets to my window, I hear "Rutherford, why the fuck are you going so fast?" Kind of shocked, I look up trying to figure out what was going on, and see a guy I went to high school with. Darren Blaylock has apprently become an Aumsville police officer. We had a quick little catch up session while I am pulled over, and then Smilin Joe hands me my papers back and says, "You're lucky he recognized you, otherwise you woulda gotten a big ticket."

So as you can see, it's not what you know, its who you know.


Cinco De Wacko

Two out of three ain't bad I guess.

So Cinco De Mayo will be a most memorable one for me this year. Three things happened, all of them unique and amazing in their own right.

While a lot of people were out bathing in Corona, Dos Equis, Limes, Carnitas, and Enchiladas, I was busy having a fairly off the wall week. Now some of you may know, that May 3rd was the release date for the much anticipated, and already delayed several times, Forza Motorsports. So I was really bummed to find out that it was going to be actually available on the 4th. A whole day later. But I digress. So I was sitting at home on the 5th, playing the crap out of my new awesome game, awaiting the arrival of Liam, and going to the hospital to meet him. There were several delays in my getting there, and as it turned out, I didn't go until about 5 pm.

So the first thing on my list of truly unique things to happen on Cinco De Mayo, was the arrival of the first baby borne to my siblings that will carry on the family name. Hooray Ted!

The second, and not good thing to happen to me, was the (I hope) prank phone call that I got on the way to the hospital. A little background, I have been selling several cars over the last couple of months, so my number is published in the nickel ads, and I have been answering my phone every time it rings. The call comes in as restricted. I think cool, maybe it is that guy calling me back that I talked to the other day. His number came in as restricted as well. Answer the phone...
Female voice; "Is Eric there?"
me; "this is he"
F; "Hi Eric, I got your number off of one of those internet dating sites, and I thought I would call you, because I'm not looking for a relationship, just a lot of hot sex."
Me, laughing; "Which site did you get my number off of?" (Knowing that those sites don't publish phone numbers, even for paying customers.)
F; "I saw it on like three of them."
me; "Really? Interesting"
F; "Yeah, so Like I was saying, I just want to have lots of hot sex. Are you into bondage?"
Me; "Um, no."
F: "Oh, because my last boyfriend was. Anyway, I broke my dildo."
Me; "How tragic. Which dating site exactly did you get my number from again?"
F, after pause and discussion with someone else. "Match dot com."
Me; "Um, they don't post phone numbers."
F; "I don't see why you are getting into a tiff, I just want to have sex. I just got a new baseball bat, and was hoping you might want to use that on me."
Me; "What?"
F, not missing a beat; "So, how long have you lived off smith* rd?"
Me, now seriously shocked, pissed, and nervous. "What did you just say? Tell you what, I am kind of busy, give me your number and I will call you back in a half hour."
F, hangs up.
I immediately go into operational security mode, (for once in my life skipping the "I shoulda said...") Matt and I started to reverse analyze the call. Was it spyware? Was it someone I know putting a girl up to it? Was it the guy that called about the blazer trying to case me for a robbery? Was it just a random prank call?
We get to the hospital, and I start making calls. I call Steve for advice on internet security issues, and kind of calm down on the spyware aspect, after he tells me that people hacking me would be a little more sophisticated than to prank me. To be on the safe side, I call the Marion County sheriff's Office to report the strange event. The only reason I was freaking out, was the mention of the street I lived on. (*Street name changed to protect me.) I then called the only other people I knew in my area that could swing by my house, some friends at Turner Fire. I called my paramedic friend Ron, and asked him to do a couple of drive-bys to check on the security. He gladly helped me, and everything was fine. To date, nothing has come of it, and I am almost positive that it was just a prank call based on the call from the guy for my blazer ( I told him I lived off of smith rd.) I am not sure what was more shocking, the fact that she knew where I lived, or that she wanted me to shove a baseball bat up her ass.

The third thing, and so far the most enjoyable for me, that happened on Cinco De Mayo, wasn't actually discovered until Friday the 6th. I got up, around 10 am like any other day, turned on my computer to check my email. I have several accounts, and one of my old ones that just fills mostly with junk, had a huge pleasant surprise waiting in it for me. It read "Classmates.com, Eric you have new mail from Gina." My first thought was "Holy F-ing crap!" I then read the short message, and started to post a reply. Gina was one of my high school sweethearts. The story is that my junior year in high school I had a really awesome girlfriend, but was hopelessly infatuated with "That neighbor girl" So, I wrote up a little note breaking the hard news, that for apparently no reason whatsoever, I was breaking up with Gina. I had my friend Chris give it to her on the bus trip to a weekend symposium to OSU. I know, I suck. (big surprise that I never heard from her again, or even heard from her now, ten years later.) The relationship with "That neighbor girl" lasted a long miserable time, and eventually ended. Gina graduated early, and vanished forever.

So I get an email from her on Friday, I post a reply, and receive hers. Including a phone number. I send on mine. Do I call her right away? Do I wait 24 hrs? 48? Well, she solved that problem by calling me Saturday night, saying that she will be in town and that we should go catch up. "This will be interesting, if nothing else," I thought. We met for drinks, and had an amazing time. We talked about everything under the sun, and It was very cool. She had to leave for work again, but we decided that we should get together again on her way back through town. That was last night. Once again we had a totally awesome time. So, needless to say, I am totally glad that she found me, paid 15 bucks to email me, and I am excited to start having adventures with my new, old friend.

So my Cinco De Wacko was both weird and memorable. No cervezas, no pinatas, but lots of memories none the less.