2.12.2006

Hostage!

Well, I should probably be working on my research project, but I am pretty unmotivated. I was sitting around today and realized something. I was being held hostage by my TV! Now this may come as no surprise to many of you out there, but I watch a fair amount of TV. That is, when I am not playing Halo2, or Blogging. I have had this conversation with several people, and decided that I finally need to write about it. Yes, I know this is my second post in as many days. So here is the deal: What is it that compels me to watch shitty movies on TV? Seriously, every time there is a terrible movie that I surf across, I will watch it. Often at the expense of a better movie on another channel, or something more noteworthy, like doing something outside. It really dawned on me today how much my TV was holding me hostage with crap, the second time I started into Ten Things I Hate About You. What the hell is wrong with me? By in large, these are movies I would not normally pay money to watch in the theater, rent, or even buy. Some of these movies, however, are good enough to watch on TV but nothing else. I wouldn't pay money for them, but I will watch them on TV. Then there are other stinkers that defy any real reason of why I watch them. I think that some of this stems from the fact that almost all "shows" on TV are ass, and if I am going to watch a quality film, I want to see it unedited and without commercials. So, what are these stinkers you ask? I will put them into two categories for this posting. The first category is Watchable but not buyable. The second category is Not even watchable, but hold me hostage anyway.

Watchable but not buyable:
Road House I know that Ted is a big fan of this film on TV, as are several other people. I will watch it every time it is on.

Navy Seals This movie represents some lame 80's crap. Again, I will sit through it at the expense of another, better movie that may be on.

Days of Thunder/Top Gun I am not much of a Tom Cruise fan, these movies are pretty bad, again, I will sit through them in my living room.

The Replacements I will probably catch some flack over this one. This movie is not that good. But I will sit through it. Maybe I don't like it because I watched it three times on my return flight from Korea.

Actually, I will sit through almost any 80's action flick starring Arnold, Sly, Segal, Swayze. For the most part these flicks are big dumb fun, and represent sort of an era of film in America that is best forgotten. I purposely left VanDamme out of this list. He never made a single movie that I will sit through.

Waterworld This could have been a good movie. The only three good movies that Costner has been in, are Dances With Wolves, Field of Dreams, and Open Range. The last in that list is actually one of my favorite westerns. Anyway, Waterworld is another film I will sit through and stare at aimlessly. For those of you who don't know, the little girl in that stinker is the girl who grew up to play Deb in Napoleon Dynamite. Jack Black is also in it. He plays the airplane pilot. The Postman is not worthy enough to make it either list. I will pass by it every time.

There are others, but this is just a taste.

Not even watchable, but hold me hostage anyway:

Fast and the Furious 1 & 2. These movies suck so hard it is beyond comprehension. They are actually making a third crappy installment. Anyway, for whatever reason, I will usually watch this tripe.

Ten Things I Hate About You This list actually just this afternoon made this list. It sucks really, really bad. I sat through it 1.5 times today.

Bad Boys Actually, you can put almost any Michael Bay or Bruckheimer movie on this list, with but a few exceptions. This movie is dumb as hell, especially edited.

S.W.A.T. This film sucks. Hard. Too bad, Sam Jackson is a damn fine actor most of the time, save for Long Kiss, S.W.A.T., and Formula 51.

Torque I have only seen this movie once. ONCE. That was enough. I saw it for 4 bucks at best buy. I passed on it. I sat through it with Ted, Tyler, Matt, and I think Jake may have been there. We are all subsequently dumber for having viewed it. To prove its power, it held all of us hostage.

Blow This movie isn't that bad. I would not buy it though. It is on AMC or TNT every thirty five minutes, unless a Segal movie is on, or a Bond Marathon. But I will almost always sit through it.

Erin Brockovich I am probably going to catch hell from the empowered female audience that I may or may not have. This movie is LAME. But, I will sit through it. Often two nights in a row.

Anyway, there is just a smattering of crappy movies I watch, I know a bunch of you will now call me a person who has no taste in film and blah blah blah. I know that these films are horrible. I know that it is a bad idea to watch them, but I can't help it. Since I have bared my soul (luckily for you, audience, that is all I will bare here) and told you all some of my dirty little secrets, I ask that you guys chime in with your movies that you will go out of your way to watch, even though you know they are garbage. I look forward to your comments.

2 Comments:

At 2/13/2006 10:32 PM, Blogger Alien Shaman said...

How did you watch "10 Things..." 1.5 times yesterday?!

We all sit through movies when we shouldn't but to re-watch it... what are you thinking?

Please at least say it was on TV, but you were actually doing something else...

 
At 2/14/2006 12:30 PM, Blogger ted said...

I'll sit through a movie on TV that is edited and watch the commercials even though, get this, I own the freaking thing on DVD! That's right. I'll sit and watch Ocean's Eleven on TV and sit through ads for prescription drugs, the news, and Bounty paper towels just because I am not only too lazy to do something else, I'm too lazy to get up and walk over to the shelf where the DVDs live and pop it in the player.

I cannot imagine buying Roadhouse and owning it, but I'll watch it every time it plays on TV.

Here's one I have found gets dumber every time I see it on the tube, yet still I watch it - Enemy of the State.

 

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