My idea for a great film that I am going to make someday

So the other night, we were at the Dragonfly, and talking about movies. One of the films we talked about, although briefly, was the idea of making a G.I. Joe movie, but put a comic twist on it like the remake of Starsky & Hutch. I know what you are saying, "yeah right that would be dumb". EXACTLY! That is why it would be so badass. Ted and I were talking a little bit about this today, and came up with some good ideas. The premise of the entire film, is that G.I. Joe, and the Cobras, are a bunch of bumbling nitwits. Also, about every 23 minutes into the show, there would be one of those lame ass PSAs that they did, you know, the "Knowing is half the battle." I did a little bit of snooping, and came up with these. All I have to say is that this is hilarious. The one with Gung Ho, Roadblock, and Snowjob are a few of he best. If you cannot identify who those characters are by the picture, you should run outside and hang yourself right now.

But I digress.

So, the whole idea behind he movie is that there is a little community service every 23 minutes, and every so often there is a huge battle in some remote place over nothing at all. No one gets hurt, and the rest of the populous never seems to notice these idiots driving an AWE striker to the grocery store. Let alone a ninja hanging out with a sailor and a guy wearing full snow gear. Sounds like the line up of a three guys walk into a bar joke. There is an occasional scene where the good guys are all standing around in a comm. center looking at some devastation caused by Cobra, so then 4 people go to try and stop them. I can work on the story line later. You all can help.

Two scenes I think would be enourmously funny, is in a huge firefight where the opposing forces keep shooting red and blue lasers at each other and just keep marching toward one another. This could perhaps be the big final battle. They end up just a foot or two away on opposite sides, and like millions of laser blasts are going off. They all have stunned looks on their faces, because not one single person is getting killed. Now, I know this part is a pretty much straight Monty Python's Holy Grail rip-off, but how about at the end of said firefight, the "real" local authorities come and arest them all.

Here is the line up of characters/actors that Ted and I came up with.

Duke. - Owen Wilson. Every 15 minutes, he goes into a coma with the age old "Yo Joe. . . " line. The twist is, each time he does, he has a Skywalker/Obi-Wan-esque dream encounter, but with Gunnery Sgt. Hartman (The drill instructor from Full Metal Jacket played by R. Lee Ermey.) Where ole gunny screams obscenities at him until he wakes up.

Cobra Commander. Anyone, he wears a mask. You can dub in that whiny-bitch voice.

Flint.- I was thinking Vince Vaughn, because he would really be the one in charge.

Destro. Now how do you get anyone to look authentically chrome?

Snake Eyes. - See Cobra Commander

Stalker. - Snoop Dogg (Hes the guy who can get you stuff)

Doc. -After seeing the Mock PSA, I thought perhaps snoop could play this character better than stalker, but I thik Sam Jackson could do alright.

Shipwreck. - Steve Lemme. He is from Broken Lizzard. Actually, most of the guys from Broken Lizzard would be really good at a lot of these roles. maybe I will call them, and try to pitch the idea.

Ted thought that Dr. Mindbender could be played by John Turturo. Not bad

Roadblock. - I was thinking Dennis Haysbert. He played Cerrano in Major League

The ones I need but can't figure out right now are:

Major Blood
The Baronness (Ted had someone for this, but I forgot who.)
Lady Jay (Brittany Murphy?)
Scarlet (insert redheaded hotty here)
WIld Bill (Some loud ass Texan)
Barbeque (Mask)
Cover girl (Shannon Elizabeth?)
Storm Shadow (mask)
Fire fly (Mask)
Tomax and Xamot (Twins)
All of the Dreadnoks;

I got all of the character names out of the roll call pages of this site.

I look forward to all of your comments, let me know what you think, give me casting ideas, or tell me I am retarded (this I already know.) I honestly think, that a well done parody style film, maybe done by the guys at Broken Lizard, maybe done by Todd Phillips, would be hilarious. So enjoy the topic, I need to start script writing and making story boards. Who's comin with me?


At 1/22/2005 11:52 AM, Blogger Tim said...

I love those overdubbed PSAs on ebaums world. Hilarious.

At 1/22/2005 1:15 PM, Blogger Alien Shaman said...

I love this idea, very funny high concept. As for casting, I think you can solve most the rest of your casting issues with one man - Mike Myers. As for the hot red head, aka Scarlett, you can use Kristin, one of Kelley's bride maids that if I recall correctly you had a fancy for.

At 1/22/2005 2:18 PM, Blogger Tim said...

How about governor Jesse Ventura as Leatherneck. He's put on a few pounds since Predator, but he looks the part.

At 1/22/2005 11:38 PM, Blogger ted said...

Okay, does anyone remember the episode where this wierd dude on an island with an army of toys kidnapped Flint, Lady Jay, Cobra Commander and The Baroness? I remember because Lady Jay was kidnapped from some clothing store while she was in the changing room and The Baroness was kidnapped from her hot tub so she spent the whole episode running around this wacky island in a bikini. I definitely can say that this episode had far reaching effects on my development, since it first aired around the time I was 11 or 12.

At 1/23/2005 1:52 AM, Blogger Tim said...

Now that you bring it up, I recalled it and now I can't get it out of my brain. Thanks a lot.

At 1/24/2005 2:14 PM, Blogger everyday.wonder said...

I agree that this could be done well and that it would have the potential to be EXTREMELY funny. There are so many inside jokes to that show (and to the inside of the mind of a 9-year-old-boy fan) that you could roll in some serious nostalgic laughs.

But here's the thing--could it be something really worthwhile too? I keep pointing to Galaxy Quest as the ultimate nostalgic movie which at the same time effectively satirizes and celebrates its subject. I felt throughly understood as a trekkie fan at the end of that movie. It didn't matter that I would have been that kid ("I didn't even get to the relevant conundrum...") if they would have had internet when I was that age...

At 1/24/2005 7:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now that it has been mentioned, I'm thinking that those skimpy G.I. Joe cartoons actually did have a profound effect on my childhood development. Ok, seriously though, I had never thought about G.I. Joe being a movie. I'm wondering if there are any skin changing men out there who could play Zartan???


Post a Comment

<< Home